Watts Family Adoption Update

June 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Remember the Thirty-One Giveaway we did a couple months ago?  Remember the sweet Watts family who is raising money for their adoption?  You can read more in their last post here.  Well, they got a call about 2 weeks ago about a baby boy due to be born June 30.  And today they got a call that the birthmom will be induced tomorrow and they are on the road to meet their son!  I’m super excited for them and wanted to share this news with you.

Another huge part of this story is the continual fundraising they are doing.  Since they have had very short notice to get the last funding in order, they need the last of their funds now.  Their target goal is $8000 and they currently have $3250.  Folks, $10 is helpful and $100 is helpful.  Any amount helps them get the funds raised and allows them to focus on loving their son and making this transition smoothly.  Check out their website here and donate if you can.

Thanks for letting me share!

Be a Part of Little Aaliyah’s Story

May 25, 2012 By Leave a Comment

My dear friend’s sister is in the process of adopting this precious little girl, Aaliyah and I want to share more of their story and give you an opportunity to give to their adoption fund.

You can read more of Donita’s story here on my friend, Shawnda’s blog.  But here is an excerpt of Donita’s testimony of how God led her to bring Aaliyah into their family.

“In 2005 God led us to start a new church, Crossroads, in an effort to reach a younger generation in a more casual, contemporary atmosphere.

After giving birth to three boys, I believed our biological family was complete.  We have always said, “if someone wanted to give us a little girl, we would certainly take her, but we are finished having babies.”  While we have always been open to the idea of adoption and have known and supported many adoptive families, we have never felt led to pursue adoption ourselves, although we have said, “if there was a child who needed a home, we would be willing to provide a home.”  We even had this conversation as recently as last summer!

Two years ago, our youth did a visitation project to invite kids to VBS, and our oldest son, David, knocked on the door of Lois Montgomery, a great grandmother who had just moved to town with her four year old great granddaughter.  Lois and Aaliyah began attending Crossroads, and although they visited other churches for a while, they always felt led to return to Crossroads and have been faithful attenders at Crossroads for a little over a year. In February, Lois approached us with a dilemma.  She was concerned about what would happen to Aaliyah when she was no longer able to care for her.  Aaliyah’s mother and grandmother had abandoned her shortly after she was born and Lois knew there was no one in her family who would love and take the responsibility for Aaliyah.  She also wanted Aaliyah to be raised by a mother and father in a Christian home and have siblings.  She told us that she had been praying about it for quite some time, and that she continually felt led to us, and asked us to pray about adopting Aaliyah.  After praying about it and discussing it as a couple and as a family, my husband and I felt that our decision had already been made many years ago, when we first said “we would be willing”.  We came up with many excuses about why we couldn’t, but they were all selfishly motivated.  As adopted children of our Heavenly Father, He was giving us the opportunity to show His love to a little girl and her great grandmother through earthly adoption, and we knew that He had placed them in our lives for this very reason.

Because we had made no previous plans for adoption, we had not financially prepared for the cost which would be involved.  There are attorney’s fees and home study fees, but our biggest expense has been converting our garage into bedrooms so that we have room to add a little girl to a house full of teenage boys.  We know God has always known this was in His plan and has prepared for it, even though we didn’t.

Aaliyah is currently living with her great grandmother until her room is complete.   The target move in date is June 1st, the day after school is out.  We are excited about God bringing a girl to the Byrom family and how He will write this new chapter in our lives.”

I LOVE this story, how it sort of happened to them.  I love how they are being so faithful to what could seem inconvenient for them and their family.  Look at the widget in the sidebar and be a part of this amazing story. Any amount will help bring Aaliyah home.

Guest Post by Jessica – Planning Special Time with Each Child

April 25, 2012 By 2 Comments

Jessica is a mom of  6, including 3 biological children and 3 adopted from Ethiopia.  She and her husband are currently in the process of raising funds to bring home their 7th.  Read more about how she makes room in her day for intentional time with each child.  Also, be sure to check out the link at the bottom of this post on how you can give just a little to help a lot!

A couple of weeks ago, I started “rocking time” back up. I did this for a while when Hermela and Meron first came home, but we slowly got out of the habit. The way it works is, each child has a night that they get to stay up a little later and rock with me in my rocking chair. We put the other kids to bed and then whoever’s turn it is to rock waits for me in the chair. We usually read a book and talk and I get to tell them how special they are and spend some one on one time together (which is often scarce around here).

I found that if I schedule it in, then it happens, and if I don’t, then it’s hit or miss. My kids NEED it to not be hit or miss and I have found that I actually need it as well. I feel like it really helps me connect with them and refocus on all of their great qualities and how much I love them. You know that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you hold your infant close and gaze into their little eyes at the end of the day? Well, it’s like that–except that now I have great big babies to cuddle up with. I find that it helps me to have those warm gushy feelings towards them–a feeling that can often be missed amongst the semi-chaotic pace of our family.

Each of our kids have a day of the week that they help me cook (Monday thru Saturday–oldest to youngest). So, I made their cooking day their rocking day as well. They also get to sit by me at the table that day (Colton always sits by me, but that’s for other reasons :-) I found color coded magnets at the Dollar Store, so we just rotate the magnets and that way, everyone knows what’s going on for that day. We also use them to rotate kitchen jobs and things like trips to the store with mom or dad or trips to my parents house.

 

The other thing about the rocking is that it gives me back a little of that babyhood that I’ve missed out on with half of our kids. Because we’ve adopted older children, we missed babyhood entirely. Rocking them has given me a little of that time back and even my biggest girl curls up in a ball on my lap and snuggles in. The girls talk a lot about their lives in Ethiopia and their feelings now during this time and I really feel like it’s therapeutic as well as just plain fun for them.

I always say to my kids, “don’t grow up too fast.” Hopefully they won’t grow out of rocking time too soon either.

 

Weren’t you encouraged by that?  I love this idea and how Jessica implements it in her home.  Be sure to click here to read more about their family’s creative fundraiser, $7 for our 7th.

This post shared at Teaching What is Good and Celebrating Family.

Parenting Strategies for an Adopted Child

April 11, 2012 By 6 Comments

I’ve had so much on my mind about parenting lately.  I was talking to another mom this week, and we both agreed that while our husbands and other’s say we are doing a great job, every day we see our struggles, we see the areas where we have fallen short.  I have really been struggling with parenting one of my children lately.  While I know that some of the issues are developmental and situational, I also know that I could be doing more.  Today I want to share a bit about what we are dealing with, and I would especially love to hear from some of you as I process how to move forward with helping this child.

Some of the issues we are struggling with are:

  • Being so concerned about whether or not others are obeying, that she can’t seem to get anything right for herself.
  • Dawdling and usually being the last to finish easy tasks.
  • Talking back.
  • Repeats (multiple times!) the same behaviors she’s already been disciplined for.

We are seeing these same behaviors at school and at home.  I struggle so much to:

  1. Know the right way to respond.
  2. Responding patiently.
  3. Be consistent in my response.

What do I do when she:

  • Is tattling on a sibling who is disobeying when she herself isn’t obeying? (Besides yell and say, “Take care of yourself!!!”)
  • Turns to me after I’ve apologized when forgetting something, and says with attitude, “And who’s fault was that?”
  • Is out of bed at 6am running around the house (frequently!) when we’ve set the rule to stay in bed until Mommy and Daddy are awake?

We take timeouts.  For serious offenses we spank (I know there are others out there who don’t agree with this).  We take away dessert for poor table manners.  She takes naps when I’ve had too much and just need a break.

This usually sweet child was adopted as an “older” child.  She likely deals with a sensory processing disorder (a sensory seeker).  I know that we are dealing with issues that don’t have easy answers.  I’d love some input from anyone who struggles with some of these issues.  How do you deal with them?  What are some natural consequences that have worked for you?  Do you have a reward system that works well for you?

A couple of blog posts that I’ve read the last couple of days and have me thinking more about this are this post at The Better Mom about having a schedule for children and I just saw today’s post at We Are That Family sharing about how a reward chart is working for her daughter.  After coming back from the U.S.  in June, the kids will only have a short time in school and then will be home for 2 months.  I know that if I don’t have a plan and strategies to help my daughter get through the summer, that it’s going to be a long 2 months!  I want to come up with a plan now so that I have time to figure out how to implement it well before summer gets here.

This post is being shared at Women Living Well, We Are That Family, The Better Mom, and Crystal & Co.

$7 for our 7th Adoption Fundraiser

March 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Do you all remember Jessica that wrote a guest post for us last month about Making Room?  If not, you should go back and read her post.  Jessica is the birth mom of 3 children and the adoptive mom of 3 more.  Her and her husband are currently in the process to adopt their 7th child and are fundraising for the adoption.

When Nick and Jessica started the process to adopt their 7th child, they thought that they were going to be able to complete this adoption without fundraising.  They had their adoption fund in the bank, and then God had another plan.  They needed dental work.  And car repairs.  And just this last week, Jessica had an unexpected surgery for a slipped disk.  And the thousands they had prepared for the adoption went to pay those bills.

Can you help them?

They started a fundraising campaign with A Charity Project called “$7 for our 7th“ (catchy right?).  The idea is that they contact  family and friends and ask them to donate $7.

Pretty simple.

But here’s where the cool part happens.

Can you donate $7 and then help the Irvin’s spread the word (ie. word of mouth, facebook, email, blogs….) to help get their story out?  All you have to do is share the link:  http://www.acharityproject.com/f/7forour7th.  Their hope is that the people you share with will also give $7 (or more, this is just a starting point) and over time, the ripple effect takes over and they meet their goal.

What is their goal?

$10,000

The great news is that they’ve already had over $3,700 donated!

Can you donate to their fund?  Can you help them spread the word about their fundraising campaign $7 for or 7th?

Jessica blogs at Defending the Fatherless.  Hop on over to read more about their family!

Book Giveaway Winner

March 5, 2012 By 1 Comment

Sorry this is a little late, but today is the day to announce the winner of our Book Giveaway who will be receiving Redefining Home by Carrie Anne Hudson. 

And the winner is…Jen C.!
Congratulations, Jen.  We are unable to find your email address, so please contact us within the next 48 hours or leave a comment here letting us know how to get in touch with you.

Thanks everyone for entering and I encourage you to get a copy of Carrie’s book even if you didn’t win.  Also if you haven’t read about Carrie’s hilarious post from our series on adoption, read the post here.

Guest Post by Shawnda – What Epilepsy Has Taught Me

March 2, 2012 By 4 Comments

Epilepsy. It’s not what we signed up for when we said YES to adoption. There are little check boxes that you check the things you are ‘open’ to that make me CRINGE…cringe, I tell you. I know it’s necessary, but it nauseates me. Really. I feel sweaty and can hear every noise in the room as I try to make my ears open wider that they might hear His voice. How can we say no to any of the boxes?

I don’t recall if epilepsy was on the application over 7 yrs ago when we filled it out, but I can tell you the thought of it would have scared me! My only association with epilepsy was from the show Diff’rent Strokes. Do you remember the episode (you would have to be my age or older most likely!!) where Arnold is in the park watching the mime clown do tricks? She falls, and starts seizing. Arnold was super freaked out by it, and I was too. It’s one of the only episodes I remember, and it was my least favorite one (I was an avid fan in my elementary age yrs…strange, I know. When my husband was watching Duck Tales, I was watching Diff’rent Strokes! I had 2 much older sisters, what can I say?).

So, my association with Epilepsy was one of fear and being freaked out.

Samuel’s first seizure, I freaked out. It was horrific. His 2nd, 3rd, and 4th seizure, I freaked out. I was not getting used to the idea of having a son with seizures. It was wrong and not what we ‘signed up for’. I wanted to do anything that would ‘make it right’.

His seizures became consistent, so we opted for medication. They were controlled for TWO yrs. TWO yrs. Then, while I was in Uganda, he had his first seizure after being on medication. I freaked out (and I didn’t even see it). The thought of him having a seizure was horrific and that I wasn’t there to comfort him made me question what we were doing in UG in the first place (because I was freaked out ;) …not because I really doubted we were supposed to be there).

That seizure was the first of many more. Even on meds and too many increases of dosages to count, Samuel’s seizures continue to plague his failing body. But…I don’t *freak* out anymore.

Why?

It’s not because I’ve gotten used to them. They will never become ‘normal’ for us – they aren’t ‘normal’, and it’s not who he is for eternity. It’s completely earthly and of fallen nature.

Hoever, over a year ago..I don’t remember when exactly, I felt the Lord ask me if I was going to trust Him with Samuel. A bit shocked (of course I trust Him with Samuel!) :) , I thought back over the year Samuel had seizures, and the 2 years he didn’t, and when he started having seizures again. The 2 years he didn’t, I believed I was trusting the Lord, but that’s because I really believed he was healed. I believed we were going to ween him from his meds at the 2 yr appointment, and he was going to be seizure free. Epilepsy (or that weird seizure season) was going to be a part of his history. It was going to be a tiny part of his story, and a tiny part of our family story.

But I was wrong that he was healed. We never got to ween him. And last year, by His grace, I saw that I wasn’t trusting the Lord with the precious ‘prayed for’ gift HE had given us.

I considered the way Samuel responds when he has seizures. In his seizing, he has mostly always been able to communicate with us (only a couple of grand mal seizures where he could not at all). He’s awake, he can somewhat talk, he is able to respond, he can kind of walk (though we don’t encourage it!). Samuel is very aware during his seizures, and he can tell me when he’s having one. He talks as if he’s had a stroke, and he drools. His legs get shaky. He gets a headache. Then a stomachache. It happens in that order, and after about an hour, he pops off the couch like somebody put a jumping bean in his pants, and it’s done. Just.like.that.

Samuel doesn’t get scared, he doesn’t cry, he doesn’t do any of the things I’ve done over the years!

He’s matter of fact, focused, calm, patient, TRUSTING. So, when I felt the Lord working in my heart, I asked Samuel, ‘Samuel, when you have seizures, how do you feel? Do you feel scared?’. ‘No, I just don’t like them, but I’m not scared. I know God is with me.’ Exhale. Weight falling off shoulders. God is with us.

The Lord started working in my heart then about trusting Him with Samuel’s life and believing that God can heal him (and praying for that with perseverance and faith), but also believing that the Lord could use this very thing in Samuel’s relationship with the Lord, and possibly how the Lord may use him one day.

My outlook on epilepsy has gradually changed. My outlook on adoption has certainly changed.

With epilepsy, I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I pray, I beg God’s mercy on Samuel’s life. And I trust Him that He has given us epilepsy as a GIFT. Epilepsy is costly (meds, MRI’s, neurologists, EEG’s, etc). Epilepsy is still painful to watch, though much more peaceful. Epilepsy is not eternal. Epilepsy is God’s way of bringing Himself glory in Samuel’s life and our family over the last 7 yrs and however many more to come. Whether He heals Samuel completely here on earth or Samuel has unreasonable seizures for the rest of his life, God’s name be praised!

And, finally, epilepsy IS what we signed up for.

When we adopted, we said yes to all of our son. We didn’t say yes just to the parts we expected. We said yes to all of him and all he brings to our family. The part of adoption we didn’t expect, were the costs under the skin. We thought race was going to be our biggest challenge – we were prepared for those costs (as much as we could be). We were prepared to make the ‘sacrifices’ (I would call them privileges) of raising black children. But we weren’t prepared for the undefined, untold, unknown challenges that lay beneath the skin. If we didn’t check the box, then we didn’t have to ‘worry’.

BUT GOD….but God had other plans. And I’m so thankful He did. His choice for us and for Samuel IS just right.

Shawnda lives in Texas with her husband, Jason, and their 5 precious children.  She blogs about adoption and her family and other issues close to her heart at Spirit of Adoption.

Guest Post by Carrie – Starbucks Enema

February 29, 2012 By 1 Comment

I’m excited to bring you a guest post today by my friend Carrie.  When she moved to our province from another area in China, we knew we had to get together.  There are not many people who fully understand my life–living in China with brown kids and multiple children in a one-child culture.  Part of living in a developing country are parasites and crowded hospitals.  Ever wonder what we have to do to produce a stool sample?  Carrie has a great story!  (Reposted with permission from her blog.)

Our last two days in Guangzhou were spent running back and forth to the hospital. When we left the States, Charis still had some elevated eosinophil counts. Both she and Makaria just couldn’t seem to shake the parasite that was camped out in their bodies. This is the entire reason our time was delayed in coming back home to China. While Charis’ levels went down a little, our doctors wanted another blood test to be done 3-6 months after getting back.

We did the blood tests and the doctor sat down to tell us the news. Having the doctor organize her papers and settle in for a conversation is never a good start to blood results. The doctor explained that Charis’ white blood cell count was elevated again and we would need to do some stool samples to check for parasites. This was Thursday at 4:30. We were scheduled to fly home Friday at 4:30. The hospital we were at has doctors trained in the States, so we felt confident that she knew what she was doing.

The doctor wrote out what we should do at our local hospital back home and honestly, the only think I could think of was how local hospitals remind me of a rodeo. Except that you triple the people and there are no cattle. Just people running around crazy trying to lasso a doctor to talk to. There are no lines, just each man for himself. And you have to pay for every different step of the process before the doctor will talk to you. You pay, run back, throw your receipt at the doctor and talk loudly about whatever ails you. If you are not loud, pushy and persistent, you will not leave the hospital. Ever.

This entire scene played out in my mind as she wrote the instructions down. I’m pretty sure I shortened my life by 8 years by thinking of how stressful that would be. And then to do it three times. It made me desperate and persistent to try and get the samples done in the next 24 hours.

Remember that we have been in Hong Kong eating cheese, bread and sausage for pretty much every meal. That does not bode well for getting my 5 year old daughter to produce 3 stool samples in a 24 hour period. But I kept the rodeo scene fresh in my mind at each bathroom attempt. I was not going to do this at a local hospital at home.

The Lord got my girl’s bowels moving and we knocked out 2 the first night. Empowered to get this accomplished, I resorted to prune juice, apples, and plastic gloves.

It’s 10 am and…nothing. She is trying so hard. We had to check out of the hotel, so we are running to public bathrooms all over the city trying to find a toilet with a seat. I won’t go into a lengthy explanation here, but trust me, collecting a stool sample is easier on a toilet with a seat than on a squatty potty. The only toilet with a seat to be found was at Starbucks. This also came in handy as I put the samples in a plastic bag and transported them in Starbucks cups to the hospital.

It’s now 11:15 am. We are scheduled to get on a bus at 1:00 pm to get to the airport. I am beginning to sweat and loose my cool. The plastic gloves are now having to go places that these gloves don’t really want to go. Still nothing. I’ve now resigned to the fact that Charis and I will have to stay in Guangzhou, waiting for her to go to the bathroom. I then realized that there was a small pharmacy across the street. I ran over there and told the pharmacist that I needed something for my daughter’s clogged stomach. I told her “I don’t want medicine, I want a tool!” I didn’t know the Chinese word for “enema”, but she got the point. I paid and ran back to Starbucks. I figured, we have like 4 shares of Starbucks stock. I had certainly earned the right to give my daughter an enema in their bathrooms.

I will skip this part, but just know that the enema worked. I am now sprinting with my Starbucks cup that is carrying my daughter’s third and final stool sample. I have 1 hour to drop it off at the hospital and get to the bus. Taxi drivers are changing shifts, so it takes me 20 minutes to find someone to take me. I get there, throw the sample at the nurse and dart out the front door.

Panting, I get to the bus station and we load up. Now, we will wait for the results.

We are grateful that we figured this out and hopeful that since we dealt with this exact same thing with Makaria, that a diagnosis will come fairly quickly.

We are home now with a very non-adventurous day planned today.

Carrie and her family have lived in China for 7 years. A homeschooling, mother of 5, she makes it through the day with prayer and a bit of caffeine. 3 years ago God flipped their family’s world upside down through the blessing of adoption. They have watched Him not only orchestrate the adoption, but compose a life dependent on His grace. She has written her first book, “Redefining Home: Squatty Potties, Split Pants, and Other Things that Divide my World,” set to come out this spring. Feel free to follow along and laugh both with them and at them at

Guest Post by Charlie – Making Decisions in a Multi-racial Family

February 28, 2012 By 6 Comments

I was profoundly changed when I became a mother. You understand. Because the minute someone places your child in your arms for the first time, something in you alters. Your first instinct is no longer self preservation, but child preservation. Your calling becomes your child’s physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual well being. Your priority becomes your baby’s safety. I know, I know. God is ultimately in charge, but still…

My husband, Bill and I are considering sending our oldest three children to a week long camp this summer. Our twins will be able to go together. Wesley will have to go a different week due to his age. For many reasons, it’s a great idea. My husband and I were both fortunate enough to be able to go to week long camps when we were kids. While it wasn’t the most fun thing I ever did, it was good for me. And I think my own kids should try it at least once. Our kids tend to be homebodies and this will stretch them. It will be good for them. The camp is a Christian camp with a strong emphasis on building each child’s faith and discipling the kids. I couldn’t ask for a better camp mission. And yet…

This whole camp discussion has brought up something for our family that has surprised me a bit. Race.  We are a Gringo/Latino family. My husband, the twins and I are all white. Our third, Wesley, was born in Guatemala and our youngest, Anna Bryan was adopted domestically and is Latina by heritage. What will the camp experience be like for them, especially Wesley and Anna Bryan?

Ellie, Anna Bryan, me, Bill, Wesley, Jack

Bill and I have made many choices concerning our family with race and heritage in mind. We attend a multi racial church. We live in a diverse neighborhood and sent our kids to a very diverse preschool. Our children attend a Spanish immersion school where over 50% of the student population is Latino. We have done all of these things with prayerful intentionality. We don’t want Wesley and Anna Bryan to be the only Latino kids. We don’t want them to feel that this world is all white.

There are places that we go as a family where Anna Bryan and Wes are the only the Latino kids. We went skiing one year in the mountains of North Carolina and I’m pretty sure Wesley was the only Latino on the slopes in skis. But whenever that has happened in the past, Bill or I were with them. Or Jack and Ellie were there. There has always been backup if things got uncomfortable. Or they felt lonely. Or different. But spend the night away camp for Wesley? Without Jack or Ellie? Without me or Bill? To be honest, I’m a little scared.

I know that Wes and Anna Bryan will have to navigate an all-white world all by themselves at some point. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s still too early. Maybe it will be too hard. Or maybe, just maybe, my desire to protect them, as right as it is, needs to be given up. God is bigger, stronger, smarter and a lot more loving than I’ll ever be. And I’m pretty sure he’ll be at camp waiting for them.

So here goes. Where did I put that camp registration form?

And the Winner of the Thirty-One Giveaway is…

February 27, 2012 By 1 Comment

Today is the day to announce the winner of our Thirty-One Giveaway who will be receiving a Thirty-One Organizing Utility Tote.

And the winner is…Bonnie P.!

Congratulations, Bonnie. I will be in touch with you today to finalize the details.

For everyone else, you can still get an Organizing Utility Tote for free by hosting a catalog, online, or in home party! All of this is in addition to all of the freebies you can earn during the party. If you are interested in hosting a party, just email Elisabeth at 31@elisabethloving.com and remember all proceeds go towards the Watts’ adoption fund.

If you haven’t read about Elisabeth’s Thirty-One business she started to help fund her adoption, read the post here.

Thanks for entering, everyone, and we still have more posts on adoption coming this week!
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